God healed a relationship that was pretty much at death's door, one that was/is extremely important to my life. Part of my struggle in that friendship was my expectations and the fact that those expectations were not being met. It was not that she was not a good friend to me, she has been one of the best friends of my life, but for two years she wasn't living up to what I wanted from her. The walls grew and the hurt multiplied on both sides, and any time I saw her, the wound throbbed. Finally we talked about all of it and the walls came down, yet we were both different.
This trial taught me that one friend does not have to meet every need in my life. God has given me many amazing friendships, many that I value more than I can say, so all of my “girlfriend” needs don’t have to be fulfilled by one person. It is much healthier that way.
I realized that every time I meet with one friend we talk about God and what He is doing in our lives. With another friend I find the real of life as we share about our families, our trials, and our successes. With another I talk about the struggles of homeschooling as well as the joys. I talk lots of politics with another and so on. The greatest aspect of each of these relationships is our deep faith, but that commonality manifests itself in very different ways with each. Once I stopped demanding (not audibly and not always realizing it) that my friend fill every role in my heart I was able to release her to be who she is in my life, to be my friend.
It is when we replace the one who is our true "best friend" with one of our friends that we run into problems. We do this with our husbands at times, setting them up on the throne of our hearts, and even with our children. Any time we replace Christ with another person or thing, we end up dissatisfied, hurt, alone, angry, and empty. The only one who can meet our deepest needs is our Savior and Lord, but He isn't going to meet our expectations either. He will surpass them, beyond all that we can hope or imagine.
Friday, April 2, 2010
Grow up!
"Grow up!". The Lord actually told me to grow up. To get over myself, past my petty issues and "problems" and to choose to be an adult.
Honestly, it is about time! So at 40 years old, I am choosing to grow up, choosing to be mature, choosing to be an adult.
I have waited for 40 years to FEEL like a grown up. To FEEL like I am making adult decisions, to FEEL wise, to FEEL mature. So it was not until my Father quietly but firmly told me to grow up that I realized maturity is not something you gain with years, but instead maturity like love is a decision, a state of mind, a choice. A choice I will have to make on a daily basis, just like the choice I make every day to get out of bed, to school my kids, to love my husband.
As I heard the Father say "Grow up," in a situation I can't here share, I also heard Him say, "Who are you living for? Yourself, that is what children do.".
It hit me then that someone who is mature lives for Christ and as Christ, denying themselves in favor of doing that which is hard even when they don't want to.
So, at 40, I am choosing to be a grown up; choosing to be an adult, choosing to be mature, even when I don't FEEL grown up.
Honestly, it is about time! So at 40 years old, I am choosing to grow up, choosing to be mature, choosing to be an adult.
I have waited for 40 years to FEEL like a grown up. To FEEL like I am making adult decisions, to FEEL wise, to FEEL mature. So it was not until my Father quietly but firmly told me to grow up that I realized maturity is not something you gain with years, but instead maturity like love is a decision, a state of mind, a choice. A choice I will have to make on a daily basis, just like the choice I make every day to get out of bed, to school my kids, to love my husband.
As I heard the Father say "Grow up," in a situation I can't here share, I also heard Him say, "Who are you living for? Yourself, that is what children do.".
It hit me then that someone who is mature lives for Christ and as Christ, denying themselves in favor of doing that which is hard even when they don't want to.
So, at 40, I am choosing to be a grown up; choosing to be an adult, choosing to be mature, even when I don't FEEL grown up.
Freedom not to Compete
If we are always in competition with everyone else around us, we are unable to see their value, unable to appreciate who they are and what they could mean to our lives. If we are so busy trying to prove who we are instead of understanding who we aren't, we are then unteachable and unable to learn from anyone else.
If we instead begin to see others not as a threat, but a possible friend, a potential mentor or more practically a person to simply respect, we would be able to gain so much from those around us and we could actually share who we are much more freely, blessing others instead of walling off from them because somehow we fell like we just don't match up.
In the body, there are many members and all have an important part to play. The hand does not need to try to be a foot, nor does the eye need to an ear. Each member has its own great value, its own place of invaluable service. So too, each of us in the lives God has given us do not need to try to be anything other than what we are.
In that we find freedom not simply to be ourselves, but also to allow all those around us to be themselves as well. Knowing that if we have an area of need, one we struggle to fill, there is someone else out there who can help us grow in that area, even teach us how better to handle our weakness. We don't have to compete with them, but instead we can allow them to come along side us, without us having to feel less than because we are not them.
If we instead begin to see others not as a threat, but a possible friend, a potential mentor or more practically a person to simply respect, we would be able to gain so much from those around us and we could actually share who we are much more freely, blessing others instead of walling off from them because somehow we fell like we just don't match up.
In the body, there are many members and all have an important part to play. The hand does not need to try to be a foot, nor does the eye need to an ear. Each member has its own great value, its own place of invaluable service. So too, each of us in the lives God has given us do not need to try to be anything other than what we are.
In that we find freedom not simply to be ourselves, but also to allow all those around us to be themselves as well. Knowing that if we have an area of need, one we struggle to fill, there is someone else out there who can help us grow in that area, even teach us how better to handle our weakness. We don't have to compete with them, but instead we can allow them to come along side us, without us having to feel less than because we are not them.
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