Root of Jealousy

Often times jealousy is attributed to insecurity or low self-esteem. The root of all jealousy I believe is less about low self worth and more about pride. A closer look at the emotion of jealousy reveals the need to be the center of attention, the best or the most important. When that need is not met, that is when the sin of becoming jealous usually occurs.


Jealousy can manifest itself in many ways; angry outbursts, selfish demands, withdrawal, distancing, disrespect, devaluing others, resentment, distrust, control, being threatened and many more.


Because pride is at the root of jealousy, it is an emotion that should not be allowed much say in our lives. Pride is a sin and when it begins to control our emotions, it overwhelms all other areas. Jealousy and anger are two emotions that God has given us, and they can be useful to us at times, but they should be controlled. They are self-protective and when they are allowed to rule us, others are injured. Jealousy and anger are the dominate emotions of our fleshly natures and that is why they need to be limited.


Humility is the key to the limiting their influence in our lives. It is when we are fully surrendered to the Holy Spirit that His fruit will be freely revealed in and through us. The difference between the emotions of jealousy and anger and the fruit of the Spirit is based on our focus. Are we looking out for our well-being or for the well-being of others? Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control are other focused and are the dominate characteristics of the Spirit driven life.

Impact

Little do we know the impact our world has on our lives and the lives of our families. My husband and I tend to limit the exposure our children have to mass media. We monitor the things they watch, listen to and read, but there is only so much any of us can do to keep the world from them.

Jesus knew this. He did not pray that His disciples would be removed from the world. “I am not praying that You take them out of the world, but that You protect them from the evil one. They are not of this world, as I am not of the world. Sanctify them by the truth; Your Word is truth” (Jh. 17:14-15).

The need to pray these same words for my kids hit me last weekend. I was hanging out with the three of them in their room. They were playing all around me, but often times what happens when I am available to them is that the door for conversation about their hearts and lives opens up.

One of them said, “Mom, I have something to tell you. You might get mad at me though.”
I responded, “Go ahead, I won’t get upset.”

She said, “Well, Mom when I look at pictures of other people I feel embarrassed by you. I think you aren’t as pretty.”

I said, “You mean like pictures in magazines or on TV?”

She said, “Ya, you don’t look as nice as they do.”

I wasn’t hurt for myself (parents are the pride of their children, Prov. 17:6), but instead for her. She is little noticing all kinds of things, and what is going to happen when she is thirteen and moves from comparing me to the women in magazines and starts to compare herself. I have had years of practice accepting myself (not always successfully), whereas she is just at the beginning. She has a standard of perfection she is holding me to, that no one will ever reach, not even the models in the magazines.

Thankfully thought the door for open, loving and safe communication is already there between us. My son and other daughter both opened up with all the same kind of feelings that their sister had just shared. We talked about the unreal expectation society projects…buff, ripped, muscles, perfect bodies, and unblemished faces.

I then shared with them the struggles actors and models face. I didn’t go into eating disorders, but we talked about steroids and plastic surgery, and what these things do to their bodies. Then we talked about their hearts. How people in these areas of life have such a huge focus on appearance that the slightest comment about their looks throws them into an unhealthy pattern of trying to reach perfection.

They seemed to get a little of this. Then we talked about what God looks at. That He looks at the heart not the outside like people do.

When I talked to Shon about the kids questions, he had them watch a YouTube video which shows a model at her most basic level, no makeup, hair not fixed, plain, and her transformation to a billboard super model. From her physical makeover in the studio to the computer makeover that moved her eyes, checks and the rest. We are in a visual society, and this visual made an impact that all my explanations never could.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m23v9YjFZm4

Opaque Housewife

Opaque - Dull, Without Luster

Have you ever laid in bed, looking up at the ceiling wondering how you got to where you’re at? Thirty-eight, out of shape, exhausted all the time, nothing at all like those women who play “desperate housewives” on Desperate Housewives. Your chest has decreased so much that you have to shop in the girls department for a bra, or it now hangs down somewhere between your belly button and pelvis. Your hair is falling out, and you are growing new hair where it should not be grown. Your house is a disorganized mess, and you clean it constantly.

You pray daily, no minutely that your kids turn out okay despite the fact that they are being raised by you and that man you live with. Yes, he is your husband. You live with him and share a bed with him, but there is little time for romance, time to stay connected to one another. The main topics of conversation now are bills, the kid’s sporting events and the weather. Finally, as you look at your life you wonder what happened to all the hopes you had for your future when you were in your twenties. Those hopes are little more than a distant dream.

So you decide to do something, you decide to write about all your stuff and hope that there are other women out there who are going through the same stuff and they want to read what you write. Not because you have answers. No, they read because you don’t have any answers. You don’t make them feel like they are the only one out there with questions and doubts about their ability to be a wife and mother. They read you because every other mothering article they read, ever homemaking web site they go to and every “Desperate Housewife” episode they watch makes them feel alone. They read you because you PMS with them. You are transparent with them. You are them.

So I write, and maybe through writing I can reach other women who are thirty-eight, worn out, discouraged and opaque.

Nose

Well, what I have finally realized after 10 years of experience is that our kids are probably harder on us than anyone else could ever be (Sorry Mom). They learn tact, graciousness, self-control, focus, mercy all from us. We are, in the end, their test subjects.

The other day my son proceeded to tell me how large my nose is. Now, this is not a new concept for me. I have my grandfather’s Italian genes and apparently the Italian nose is a stronger gene than any other. My Mom and Aunt both inherited it, so when I grew up it was the family joke, that we had “The Nose”. But we are not unattractive people, so we adapted to it, and after high school and marriage I kind of let my nose obsession go.

Okay, thinking about it maybe that is not true. One of my friends last year was taking pictures at our women’s retreat. I told her no profile shots, only straight on shots, and when she said, “why?” I said, “The Nose”. But I don’t think about getting a nose job as often as I once did. Well that is until two weeks ago.

My son leaned over in his bed to kiss me (he sleeps on the top bunk), and said, “Watch so the nose doesn’t poke me. You know your nose it pretty long." Now he has teased me about this for a while, but for some reason that one really hit the core of my self-esteem.

I went to the bathroom, looked at myself from every angle and said, “Yep, he is right, it is pretty big.” Then when I took a shower I realized my breasts are shrinking (they will be non-existent by the time I am 50), but the nose is forever.

I was trying to talk myself down off the ledge of plastic surgery. You know, “Lord thank you for my nose. I know you gave it to me for a reason. I am sure it is there to keep me humble, Lord. I got the short and petite gene from my grandma, I guess it was too much to ask to get her little, lovely nose too.” You know that kind of stuff.

Finally, I did what any woman who is hoping to be a speaker/writer in the Christian world would do. I went and checked out the noses of other speakers/writers who have “made it”. Of course, when I shoot, I shoot for the big dogs, so I looked at Beth Moore’s nose. You see she has the nose obsession too. I have heard her make fun of her nose often, so it was a comfort to think I was in the same boat with her. I have looked at a lot of her pictures though, and not sure she should be at all concerned about “The Nose”.

The Lord used Beth to comfort me. Not because she has a nose like mine, but because of her heart. She is a beautiful woman, but her beauty comes through most of all because of her broken and contrite spirit before the Lord.

My nose, my eyes, my ears, even my breasts matter little to the spirit within me. I will rest in the body my Father has given me, because my purpose is not to be beautiful, but to have a heart that earnestly seeks Jesus.

The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. 1 Samuel 16:7

Broken Hearted

My six year old was playing her sister’s gameboy at the table this afternoon when we were eating lunch. She knows the rule, no toys/games at the table. So, we told her once to put it down, when she kept playing my husband told her she was grounded from it for the rest of the day. She seemed to handle this well enough; she put it away and sat back down at the table.

Well, just now, as she was about to head out the door to ballet, I saw her reach out and grab the gameboy off the table. Now, the gameboy was not on the table after the lunch incident. She had placed it there, ready to sneak it out, prior to leaving for ballet. I was sitting at the table putting jelly beans into miniature baby bottles, for a women’s event tomorrow, as she slowly reached out and grabbed the gameboy. She gently moved her hand, with the gameboy fully grasped in it, back down by her side. I saw all of this out of the corner of my eye. I immediately felt broken hearted, then angry.

She chose to disrespect her father, so that she could do what she wanted to do. She chose to try to sneak around me to fulfill her selfish desire. She chose to allow sin to rule her heart so that she could have fifteen minutes of “fun”. And I was so disappointed, so hurt that I did not even know really what to do. I took the gameboy privilege away from her for a month, I made her leave her dolls at home, and I gave her a swat on the bottom, but all of that did not seem to soften her heart, cause her to feel sorry over her actions.

I felt as if I had a knife in my heart, for my own little girl was choosing death over life. Then I was hit by overwhelming understanding. My Heavenly Father’s heart breaks every time that I choose to disrespect His will, every time I choose to fulfill my selfish desire, every time I choose to allow sin to rule my heart for fifteen minutes of “fun”. I twist a knife in His heart every time I chose death over life.

I sat there for a moment after she left and I prayed for her, Lord, what do I do for my little girl, and I then prayed for Him to forgive me for every time I have sinned against Him, every time I have broken His heart.

Lordship

Is there this sin that just seems to haunt you? No matter how hard you try you just can’t get away from it, can’t stop doing it, and pray constantly for the Lord to save you from it? You’re not alone. I am right there with you…praying, wrestling, hoping, failing and falling into discouragement, recovering and fighting again. All of us sin…John said if someone doesn’t admit that they sin that they are a liar and that there is no truth in them. So the fact that you recognize your need to stop doing what you are doing is a good thing.

The other night, my son and I were talking. He was struggling with an issue that he just can’t seem to beat. He was feeling very ashamed, and condemned for something he did. I realized that I needed to help him out of the place of self-loathing he was in and lead him into forgiveness and healing. So, we started off in Romans 8, where Paul says that there is no condemnation in Christ. Meaning, no matter who you are, or what you have done, if you belong to Jesus, you have been set free from the judgment that comes with sin.

Of course, I had to explain to my son what condemnation means. I took him over to Romans 7:18-19. In those verses, Paul revealed his own weakness to the Romans. He told them that he wanted to do what was good, but he couldn’t, and he tried to stop doing what was wrong but he couldn’t seem to do that either. Even the greatest of apostles was human and had to deal with the reality of having a nature that was born to sin.

But the thing that made Paul so amazing was that he KNEW he was totally, absolutely forgiven for every sin he had committed and for everyone he would commit. He knew that he had been set free from the law of sin (that nature that was born to sin) and of death by Jesus. Paul could freely confess his weakness to the Romans, while at the same time telling them that he wasn’t condemned, because he knew that Jesus had defeated the sin in his life and he stood before God forgiven and clean. That is what no condemnation means…whole and clean before God.
My son started to physically relax as I shared with him this truth. He was finding acceptance, love and rest in the forgiveness that can only be found in Jesus.

At the same time though, I told him that he still needed to confess his sin. He needed to talk to God and say he was sorry for what he had done. Trying to hide it and feeling ashamed only put up a wall that kept him from feeling safe with God, feeling forgiven. I remembered 1 John 1:9 and told him that as soon as we tell God our sin, He is faithful and just to forgive our sin and cleanse us from all unrighteousness (not meeting His standard of right). So we prayed. And as I prayed out loud for my son to repeat after me, I said something that really hit my heart. I said, “Dear Father, save us from our sin.”

And He said, “I have already done that. I paid for them on the cross, and you were saved when you surrendered your life to Me. When you get tied to a sin, you don’t need to be saved from it. You have chosen to make it the focus of your life, and have replaced my Lordship with its. I am your Savior, I am also Lord of all creation, but when you are sinning over and over again, that proves that I am not Lord in your life.” I stopped praying with my son, and said, “WOW”. I am praying the wrong way. I am asking God to do for me what He has already done, and expecting Him to rescue me from something I have replaced Him with. Jesus never forces himself on us. If we chose to worship something or someone else, He lets us…with a broken heart He waits for us to return to Him. The confession John talks about in 1 John reestablishes Jesus as the head of our lives. When we admit we have a problem, when we admit we are sinning, when we come to Jesus and say we are sorry, we are taking whatever we were worshipping off its pedestal and focusing our attention on Jesus, who was never off of His.

All sin is derived from a self focus, when we love ourselves with all our heart, all our mind, all our soul and all our strength.

If you are struggling with a sin that seems to dominate your life, pray but don’t ask for God to save you from it. Instead surrender your heart, soul, mind and strength to Jesus, and He will set you free because you have allowed Him to be Lord as well as Savior.

My Friend

I will be here if you want a friendship. My love is unchanging and my desire for relationship with you never wavers. I will not force friendship upon you, nor will I withhold it. Friendship is a gift, something that is freely offered. It is not something I demand, not something I expect. Our relationship can be as close or as distant as you want it.

If you decide to talk to me every day, then we will share an intimacy that few have experienced. If you choose to drop by every few weeks, then we will know each other’s plans, concerns and wishes. If you visit with me twice a year, we will continue to stay connected and care for one another. If you think it best not to talk at all, I will still care for your intimate heart needs, I will pay attention to your plans, concerns, wishes, and I will always care for you even if you never share your life with me again.


The depth of our relationship will depend on your wishes. My arms are open wide whenever you want to come into them. They will never push you away; only draw you into the embrace of friendship when you choose to receive my love. Nothing you could ever do or say will separate you from me. My devotion is unwavering, my heart is steady, and my love is constant.

I will always call you friend.

A friend loves at all times. Proverbs 17:17a

Ask God

Recently our family has been prayerfully considering a change in a very important area of our lives. When this new leading from the Lord began to stir in our hearts, I intensified my prayer life. I began seeking out prayers in the Bible that speak of knowing God’s will, understanding His plans, and His ways.

The women’s leadership team I was a part of started to study the book of Ephesians about this same time. In this book, are prayers that Paul offered up to the Lord for the believers in Ephesus. These were the prayers I began to pray on a daily basis:

I pray that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, would give you a spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of the Him. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened so you may know what is the hope of His calling, what are the glorious riches of His inheritance among the saints, and what is the immeasurable greatness of His power to us who believe, according to the working of His vast strength. Eph. 1:17-19

I pray that He may grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man, and that the Messiah may dwell in your hearts through faith. I pray that you, being rooted and firmly established in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the length and width, height and depth of God’s love and to know the Messiah’s love that surpasses knowledge, so you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Eph. 3:16-19.

I also began to ask for wisdom as James tells us to do, knowing that if I asked for it, I would receive it. As I prayed, unity really began to build in my marriage concerning the direction of our decision. God moved in both my husband’s heart as well as my own.

I began praying most intensely in March, and now in the middle of May I find myself drawn to one book of Scripture. Funny that book is known as the key source of wisdom in all the Bible. I can’t get away from it. I find my heart hungry for it alone. I have been in the book of Proverbs since the last week in April.

I am working on a book proposal and developing a new speaking topic, so I have been searching through Scripture, but each time I begin looking I am pulled back into Proverbs. My heart races to read it each mourning, then I read it again to my kids for our devotion, only to be drawn back to it over and over again throughout the day.

Should I be surprised? No, I asked for wisdom, and God placed the foundation of biblical wisdom within my heart.

Now if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives to all generously and without criticizing, and it will be given to him. James 1:5

Waiting

My daughter is learning a lesson about waiting. Two weeks ago, her best friend gave her an Explosion Book. For those of you like me, who are not crafty and have never completed one page of a scrapbook, let alone a whole project, an Explosion Book isn’t a book that blows up in your hand. No, it is a scrapbook that is folded up into a neat square, which can be large or small depending on the size paper you choose. It is actually a great way to share memories with family and friends, so when my 8 year old received this wonderful gift of memories from her short but intensely beautiful friendship, well she wanted to do something lovely for her dearest, bestest friend.

She sat around for a day or so bemoaning the fact that she is not her friend, that she never makes anything beautiful, and wishes that she were someone else. I told her that she is lovely, and doesn’t need to be anyone else because if she had a different mother she wouldn’t need to wish she was someone else, she would be making explosion books all the time.

So, the following day, I took her to the craft store, wishing all the time that I was my daughter’s best friend’s mother. I found some plain, paper picture frames, and we bought scrapbook paper, a special cutting tool, stickers, letters, and crafting glue, praying all the while for the Lord to miraculously give me a crafting moment.

In the car, my daughter said, “Mom, you are the best mom ever.”

Little did she know that she would be waiting for her “scraping moment” three weeks later.

We brought everything home and started our project of transforming a plain picture frame into a meaningful piece of art. We got started, but I told her that we would not get done that day. That she would have to wait because there were many things planned for the next few weeks. She was greatly disappointed, but handled it well.

As the week passed, I told her sometime the way she was feeling is just like I feel when I am waiting for the Lord to answer me. Sometimes I ask Him for something, and He gives me a small part of what I asked. Then days, weeks, months or even years go by and finally He completes what He started to do in and for me.

Our heavenly Father is not too busy to answer me, but the timing in my life is not always right for what I have asked. He uses the time of waiting to grow me, to increase my ability to depend on Him, to make me patient and help me out grow my have it now, two-year old mentality, and at the same time never lose my trust in Him, because He never fails to give me all the good He has for me.

So too, I will finish the project I have set aside for my daughter. The timing will be right, and it will be a learning and sharing moment far better than had I rushed the project simply to satisfy her youthful pride. She will grow in her ability to trust me because I will carry out what I promised her, but she will also learn that she cannot have everything the moment that she wants it. That her loving mother will give her all the good she has for her, but sometimes she will have to wait.

Stream's Mother's Day Brunch

The Stream's Mother's Day Brunch was a wonderful event. Thirty-five women attended the brunch and I was blessed by being able to get to know a whole new group of godly ladies.
The morning started with a lovely assortment of food, moved to a time of sharing when the Word was taught, and ended with fellowship over tiara misu. Who could ask for anything more? ;-)

Friendship Is Timeless

It is always a blessing to spend time with old friends!

Loose Tooth

Tonight my 6 year old had a tooth hanging by a thread that simply needed to be pulled. You know the kind of tooth that is actually sticking out between the lips even though the mouth is closed. She needed to let me pull it so she could eat, but when I tried to get my fingers around her tooth, she firmly closed her mouth into a thin line and I am pretty sure that even if I had a crowbar I wasn’t getting to that tooth. I gently talked to her, cajoled her, comforted her, spoke firmly to her, but to no avail. She would not obey my request to open her mouth. You see she was afraid.

She looked up at me with her big blue eyes and said, “Mommy I scared.” Those words hit my heart. I hugged her, said that it would be alright, that she didn’t need to be afraid. It wasn’t going to hurt any more than the last one had, but then she said, “But Mommy, the blood.” I kneeled down next to her and said, “It will be okay hunny, the bleeding will stop. Mommy loves you and I just want to help you.” She sat for a minute and then she looked up at me and said, “Okay Mommy.” Finally the locked jaw opened and she let me pull her tooth.

Why didn’t she just open up right away and let me do the simple task of removing her barely “there” tooth? You see, she hadn’t yet decided to trust me. Her desire for self-protection over road anything I could say or do. She had to decide to trust me. She had to come to the conclusion that I was going to do what was best for her even if it hurt a little. Once she did that she was able to surrender to my well meaning intentions. She realized that I loved her and would take care of her.

After she went to bed (with no pain and very little bleeding), it hit me that we are no different. We cry, kick, scream in order to keep our “loose tooth” intact when in all reality we would be much better off without it. Our “loose tooth” can be any number of things, maybe a ministry we need to let go of, a friendship that needs to change, a child we need to surrender, an unaccomplished goal that is stealing our joy, and our Father is kneeling beside us telling us it will be okay, that He loves us, that He will pull it out quickly, with only a little bit of blood being lost.

If we trust Him, we will let Him pull our “loose tooth”. Our desire for self-protection will be met once we understand that our Father is acting in our best interest. When we accept that He loves us and will take care of us, we can finally surrender, because He can be trusted. So, the next time you have to pull one of your little one’s teeth, consider what teeth are loose in your own life. Consider which tooth your Heavenly Father is trying to pull so something new, healthier and more solid can take its rightful place in your life.

Up Coming Events

Streams Mother's Day Luncheon

May 10, 2008
11:30-1:30

Martha, You Don't Have to be Mary
for Me to Love You!

Contact Liz Norman
@ 623-932-3663
For more information

Streams Church
Goodyear, AZ