Pride and Prejudice in Christianity???

In the Book of James, James tells us that there should be no favoritism within the church. As believers there should be a common bond of Christ that removes all pride from our attitudes toward others and with the absence of pride there should be no prejudice toward any individual or group. However, this has not always been the case. Even from the beginning, the church has not always left prejudice aside.

Had Jane Austin addressed this issue in the Church she might have said, “Neither 100 lbs a year nor 10,000, neither master nor servant, neither unmarried at 27 nor married at 16, for all are one in Christ.”

Instead it was Paul who addressed the need for equality in the body in Galatians 3:28,
“Neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, neither male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”

Jane Austin did attack the issue of misconceptions toward others based on wealth, position in society and family background. Pride and Prejudice is a story that reveals how pride, and from that pride, prejudice can separate people from one another. Her main characters, Elizabeth Bennet and John Darcy are filled with condescension and critical judgments toward all those around them, including one another. It is not until their love for one another over powers their pride that they begin to see that they have judged each other unfairly. They made assumptions about each other even before knowing who the other person was.

This prejudgment of other people is common in the world, but sadly it is just as prevalent in the Church.

Paul wrote what he did in Galatians 3:28 because of the attitudes people within the body of believers had toward others. In Galatians, Paul had to confront Peter about the hypocrisy he had shown toward Gentiles after a group of Jewish believers arrived. Prior to believers from Jerusalem coming to Galatia, Peter had eaten freely with Gentiles believers, but when these other men came he began to pull away from the Gentiles. He was afraid of those Jewish believers who were of the circumcision group coming against him. With his actions, Peter actually caused several other Jews, who had been with him prior to the arrival of those from Jerusalem, to treat the Gentile believers as if they were less than Jewish believers. Paul confronted Peter. He said “We who are Jewish by birth and not ‘Gentile sinners’ know that a man is not justified by observing the law, but by faith in Jesus Christ.” In this, Paul was reminding Peter of the gospel message, the same message that Peter had taken to the Gentiles.

In Acts 10, the Lord called Peter to the home of a Gentile, a Roman soldier by the name of Cornelius. Cornelius and Peter both received visions from the Lord drawing them to one another. One day Cornelius was praying (Cornelius was a religious man apart from Christ) and all of a sudden a man appeared to him in shining clothes. This man told him to send for Peter. Either on that day, or the day right after, Peter was praying as he waited for dinner. He had a vision of a sheet coming down from heaven with animals on it…clean and unclean (there were certain animals Jews could eat and others they could not eat and the sheet contained both types.) In the vision the Lord told Peter to get up and kill and eat. Peter said no Lord. I have never eaten anything unclean before. Then the Lord told Peter that nothing He had created was unclean. At that moment Peter woke up, and the Spirit told him to go down stairs because men were waiting for him. Peter realized that his dream directly related to the men who were waiting for him. The Lord told him to go to the house of a Gentile and proclaim Christ…this was not something a Jew ever did. They believed they would be defiled if they went into the home of a Gentile, so for Peter to be told that he was to go to the Gentiles was a huge thing. God knew that he needed to be prepared and that is why he had the dream when he did. It was not related to food, but instead to mankind. “Nothing I made is unclean,” the Lord told Peter and then He sent him to the Gentiles.

Peter left for Cornelius’ house that very day. When he got there, Acts 10:27 tells us that Peter walked into the house. He is stiff and looks very proud. The crowd parts for him, so it is clear that he is a man of great standing. Everyone bows or curtsies as he passes by. This is the point where he and Elizabeth see each other for the first time. He walks up to the door of Cornelius house and looks around. He has six of his fellow Jewish believers with him. I am sure they stood even further back than Miss Bingley did when she was introduced to the Bennetts. Peter steps into the house, and just as everyone at the ball parts for Mr. Darcy in reverence, Cornelius falls at Peter’s feet. Unlike Darcy, Peter tells Cornelius that he is no different he says, “Stand up….I am only a man myself”.

Imagine Darcy standing there with all these lower ranked country people. He is used to high society, perfect manners and dress and now he is standing among the rabble and expected to dance…he tries to make Lizzy not sound too bad after Bingley asks him why he is not dancing. Bingley points out that Elizabeth Bennet is available and attractive…Darcy says she is tolerable, but not attractive enough to tempt him.

He walks up to the door of Cornelius house and looks around. He has six of his fellow Jewish believers with him. I am sure they stood even further back than Miss Bingley did when she was introduced to the Bennetts. Peter steps into the house, and just as everyone at the ball parts for Mr. Darcy in reverence, Cornelius falls at Peter’s feet. Unlike Darcy, Peter tells Cornelius that he is no different he says, “Stand up….I am only a man myself”.

Peter says this, but not five minutes later…possibly in his nervous state he says, “You are well aware that it is against our law for a Jew to associate with a Gentile or visit him.”
Peter in like manner points out that he should not be in the house of Cornelius, BUT Peter takes a different course than Darcy. God has shown him that he should not call any man impure or unclean. So Peter chooses to obey and he proclaims Christ to the rabble, to the Gentiles.

Through Peter’s obedience, because he chose to over come his own pride and prejudice toward Gentiles, Cornelius and all those in his house believe in Jesus. They believe that He defeated death and gave himself for them. Acts 10:44 says that while Peter was still speaking these words, the Holy Spirit came on all who heard the message (the Gentiles not the believing Jews). Peter ORDERED that the Gentiles be baptized in the name of Jesus.

Peter overcame his pride and prejudice through obedience to God, but the other believers…now called the circumcised believers believed because they saw that God does not show partiality. God did not first have Peter explain why Cornelius needed to be circumcised before he could come to faith. No, it was through faith in Christ alone and His work on the cross that Cornelius and the members of his household came to a saving knowledge of Jesus.

Now, I wish all pride and prejudice in Christianity had been swept away that day at Cornelius’ house, but sadly it was not. Peter even struggled with it again later on, and Paul had to confront him about his attitude toward Gentile believers.

Where do our prejudice’s lie today? It is easy to sit back and look at Darcy or even Peter and point out how ridiculous their behavior was, but it is much harder to look at our own pride or our prejudice toward others as ridiculous. I know that I can pretty much justify every feeling I have. I can say well this person makes me uncomfortable, or this person is just wrong, and in that way, I can be right and keep my guard up.

As I thought about what I was going to write on this subject, I tried to think of areas of division we have in the body of Christ today. Where do we run into prejudice?

Is it the kid who is sitting with our kid in youth group, the one who has black everything on? Don’t we all applaud the youth pastor doing outreach until the outreach kid is hanging out with our own kid?

Is it the twenty-two year old women three rows in front of us who has a great figure and wears everything to remind us that she has a great figure? Don’t we wish we could tell her how to dress, but that would mean we would have to actually talk to her…then we might find that we liked her and at that point her dress might not seem as offensive as it did when we were sitting behind her judging her?

Is it the music minister who sings all those loud songs and seems to rock the house every week, instead of leading us to sing in the “right way”? Sometimes we wish he would just sing a hymn, yet when we open our hearts, we realize that How Great is Our God brings a brokenness to our hearts just as powerfully as How Great Thou Art.

Is it that woman with the baby in the middle left? Doesn’t she know there is a cry room she can take her baby too? Doesn’t she know you came to church to hear the pastor preach, not her kid scream? We all say we are thankful for children, until children disturb our time. We need to remember our time as new parents. The fear, weariness and the need to be out with other believers so we could be refreshed to go home and sit up at night little one showing the love of Christ to him.

Or it could be so many other things.

If Peter had allowed his prejudice to out weigh his love for Christ, he would not have been the first one to take the gospel to the Gentiles. The gospel would have still been spread, but Peter would have missed out on seeing that wonderful day when grace was poured out on the Gentiles. When the larger picture of Christ’s great gift was shown…For God so loved the world, that he gave His one and only Son that who ever believed in Him should not perish but have eternal life.” The gift was not to the Jews alone…but to the world.

Darcy overcame his pride and Elizabeth her prejudice when they had the time to get to know one another. When they let their guard down and opened their hearts to one another. Peter overcame his customs and traditions when he listened to the voice of his Lord and obeyed.

We are no different from Darcy or Lizzy or Jane Austin. We struggle in the same ways that Peter and the Jewish believers did. What changed the path that they all were on was them opening themselves up to be known and to know others. I have been very hard on Darcy tonight, but the reason that the thought first came to my to do this devotional is that I am Mr. Darcy. I tend to walk in a room and look around to see where I fit in. In all reality, that is all Mr. Darcy was doing, the difficulty he had was that he was a man of high rank, and therefore he had to be acknowledged. I am sure he would have rather have come in quietly looked around and gotten comfortable before he began to talk to anyone other than those around him. I am much the same way. I have to figure out where I fit in and then I can begin to talk to people. Darcy confesses at one moment that he does not have the “happy manners” that Wickham has sad to say neither do I. We all have weaknesses that cause us to struggle and it is only when we let down our walls and start to see the good in others that we can do away with our prejudices

Neither purple haired post-modern nor suit clad modern, neither stay at home mom nor working woman, neither Hispanic nor white, neither male nor female….for if we are in Christ then we are one.

Romantic Adultery

In Matthew 5:27-28 Jesus said, “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery’; but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

Jesus was clearly addressing men in this portion of the Sermon on the Mount. He said that mentally taking a woman in a lustful way is no different than actually sleeping with her.

It is easy for us as women to AMEN the pastor who preaches Jesus’ words from Matthew 5. We shake our heads in agreement; as the men are told that they are sinning when they take that second look at the woman jogging down the street or consciously linger over the woman in a bikini at the pool, looking at her through their sunglasses. Our security, as women and wives, is stolen every time our husband stares at a magazine covered with the cleavage of some actress, while we stand next to him in line at the grocery store. When we hear the words of Jesus spoken to our men by the pastor on a Sunday morning, we feel protected. We are thankful someone is defending us against the sadness that arises in our hearts when we realize that we are not attractive enough to hold the gaze of the man we gave our lives to on the day we said, “I do.”

However, ladies, the message Jesus conveyed is not just for men. Sadly, when we hear it preached we rarely think of ourselves, our own moments of indiscretion, and our own thoughts of infidelity. We listen, all the while sitting next to our husbands in a “holier than thou” position, elbowing them in the ribs, giving them a sidelong glance, making sure they are taking in every word, all the while not hearing the Spirit move in our own hearts because we think we don’t have any issues in this area.

Every act of sin begins with a decision, so if a man takes that second look, he made a decision to take it, and at that moment, he chose to remove his wife from the center of his desire and put that other woman in her place. In like manner, any time a woman romanticizes about a man other than her husband, she is choosing to replace her husband with a figment of her imagination. If she then allows that figment to live at the center of her affection, she will become more and more discontented with her own husband, and will either continue to live in the false romance of her mind or actually decide to seek out her dream man elsewhere.

To women, Jesus could have just as easily been saying, “You have heard it said, ‘You shall not commit adultery; but I say to you that every woman who willfully causes a man to look upon her with lust has already committed adultery in her heart; whoever talks about how hot the guy in the movie she just watched with her girlfriends has already committed adultery in her heart; whoever dreams she is married to the character in the novel she is reading instead of to her husband has already committed adultery in her heart; whoever flirts with any man who comes along in order to feel good about herself, has already committed adultery in her heart….”

Mental adultery is just as real for woman as it is for their male counter-parts, but it does not always manifest itself in the same way.

Don’t get me wrong, we notice attractive men, and in our modern day world, of visual stimulation and coed living, we women have become predators in our own right. Equality does not simply mean equal pay for equal work anymore. No, it means catcalls, crude comments, hitting on men, and making a big deal about the hot guy who walked by the window at work. Women now watch television or movies and notice the physique of the male lead just as much as his caring demeanor. Once men like Humphrey Bogart, Spencer Tracy, and Jimmy Stewart captured the hearts of female audiences, but now being sincere, strong and caring is not enough. Leading men have to be as “beautiful” as their female costars.

Women also know that their physical appearance draws attention. We like to be looked at, and when that desire to be noticed becomes the focus, well anything goes. This is where we cause men to stumble the most. If we understood how much of a draw we are to them, how God created them to be stimulated through sight, we would make different choices in how we dress and how we act. Instead of just the tank top, we would put a jacket on over it. Instead of a bikini, we would wear a one-piece suit. Instead of the low cut blouse, we would wear a crewneck top.

When we draw the knowing look, the lingering stare, we have achieved our goal of being worshipped, but in so doing, we have caused a man to commit adultery. When looked at in those terms, we might just decide to dress for our husbands and please them, leaving all the other men to be pleased by their own wives.

Add to this heightened sense of sight and physical awareness, a woman’s desire for romance, and the door for adulterous thoughts is thrown wide open. Romance for a woman is not simply candy, flowers and romantic midnight strolls. It is a man who loves her unconditionally, provides for her physically and emotionally, protects her heart as well as her life, and willingly lays down his life for her on a daily basis. The problem is that this romantic hero does not exist, well he does exist, he is just not human, so what tends to happen to most women with this fictional version of their dream man is disappointment. Too often we, as women, allow fictional characters to place an unrealistic version of the real thing into our minds and hearts. So, when our husbands come home from work, throw their clothes on the floor, sprawl out in the recliner, turn on ultimate fighting, and ask us what’s for dinner, our romantic and real worlds collide, and if we aren’t careful, the romantic version will win out and replace the real thing.

One woman I was well acquainted with fell down this romance trap. She stopped seeing the value of her husband and replaced their relationship with one of her own creation. She began fantasizing about one of her friend’s husbands. She saw how this man lavished gifts on his wife and kids, how softly he spoke to his wife, how he romanced her, and provided for her every need. Mentally she began to rearrange marriages. She took the place of her friend, and began to live out her friend’s life in her romantic imaginings. The illusion of this “perfect” husband filled not only her waking thoughts, but also her unconscious dreams.

Within a couple months, this woman began to pursue the man of her dreams, and for his part, had he heeded the words of Jesus, that to look upon a woman lustfully is to commit adultery, he would have saved himself, his family, this woman, her family and their church family a great deal of pain. Instead, he allowed her physical beauty, as well as her desire for him to overwhelm his judgment. They walked into an adulterous relationship, and made plans to abandon their families so that they could be with “the one person, they were meant to be with”.

When I confronted this woman, I pointed out something she had seemed to miss. I said, “If this man is so good, and loving, and utterly perfect as a husband, how can he do what he is doing to his wife? If he can take this most selfish of acts, leaving his wife for you, what makes you think he won’t leave you for someone else?”

It was not his physical appearance that caused her to abandon her children and husband. No, she had so built this man up in her mind that she was willing to destroy everyone’s lives in order to have her fantasy. Once the Lord revealed her sin to her, and she rejected the course she had set for herself, she began to realize that this man was not what she had made him out to be in her own world of perfection. She found that her husband was the greatest romantic in the world. He forgave her infidelity, her claim on another man, and accepted her back as his wife.

The act of adultery begins in the mind, but the spark arises in the heart. It is the location of our romantic sensibilities, and out of it flows the issues of life. Whatever we have been holding onto, meditating on, allowing to enter into our feelings, will flow from our hearts into our minds. Once we have given into our own selfish desires, there is little to stop us moving forward with something we never thought we were capable of doing. No matter how discrete we believe ourselves to be, we are still hurting our spouse, ourselves and the heart of God, when we choose to allow another person to come between us and our mate, no matter how real that other person may or may not be.

Jesus finished up his warning on lustful thoughts by saying, “If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.”

So, if Jack Bauer (24), Jack Shephard (Lost), Tom Wells (Smallville), Hugh Jackman, or Christian Bale is causing you to lust, cut them off. If the gym makes you look at other men, stop going. If you are fantasizing about your kid’s teacher or your friend’s husband, then stop spending time with them. If Facebook connected you with an old boyfriend, whose marriage just fell apart, do not accept his friend request. If the book series you are reading causes you to create a fake man to be in love with, throw it away. It is better to lose some money, experience rejection, miss some entertainment, or gain some weight after quitting the gym than to suffer the consequence for your lustful decision. Our husbands aren’t stupid. They are one with us, so even if we are simply daydreaming about another man, they will know and there will be pain in our marriages.

In the end, mental adultery is not about our husbands, it does affect them, but it is not about them. No, when we are lusting for other men, the real problem is our relationship with Jesus. Romantic or visual lust is sin, and all sin is rebellion against God, so, when we struggle with impure thoughts, we know our heart is not right. We have taken our focus off our Savior and placed in onto ourselves. Self-focus leads to self-gratification, but there is no such thing as self-gratification, we always want more.

Truly, what we are looking for cannot be found nor met by a man. The desire to be loved unconditionally, provided for physically and emotionally, to have our hearts as well as our lives protected and cared for by someone who willingly laid down his life for us can only be found in Jesus. He is the only one who can meet our every need, and satisfy our hearts desire.

Building Relationship

I do not want the gathering of information or facts to be the focus of anything I write or teach. My overall desire is to lead women into a deeper relationship with God, and through that relationship understand that Jesus is more than enough to meet every need in their lives.

What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ--the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death. Phil 3:8-10

Conversation of Relationship: Prayer

Jesus set the standard for knowing God. His example shows us how to sustain our relationship with the Father.
Read the following passages of Scripture. Write down what you learn and observe from them.

Matt. 26:36-46

Matt. 14:13-23

Luke 5:15-16

Luke 6:12-16

Jesus talked to the Father about everything. After a day of ministry He did not sit around with His disciples and talk about what went right that day, how they could have done this or that better or what the next day held. No, He went to His Father and shared everything with Him. Jesus was able to with stand the cross because He stayed in His Father’s love. The Father and I are One.

Foundation of Relationship: Surrender

Read Psalm 51 written below:

Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you are proved right when you speak and justified when you judge. Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me. Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the in most place. Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice. Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity. Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will turn back to you. Save me from blood guilt, O God, the God who saves me, and my tongue will sing of your righteousness. O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise. You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. In your good pleasure make Zion prosper; build up the walls of Jerusalem. Then there will be righteous sacrifices, whole burnt offerings to delight you; then bulls will be offered on your altar.

Who is crying out to God in this Psalm?

What does his prayer reveal about his relationship with God?

How was he able to be so transparent in his prayer?

How do we get to the point that we can totally share our heart with God?

Our heart seeks relationship. That is how we are made…even more so since we are women. We hunger and thirst for someone to know us and love us for who we are. We want to be known as we know.

No person can fully meet our deepest need for relationship. No matter how hard we work at any earthly relationship, it will always leave us wanting. God did that. He does not want anyone to fill up that emptiness. It is left there for Him, so why do we avoid the deep conversations with Him? Why do we only fall on our knees when we are hurting? If we could talk to our God like we talk to our husband, best friend or even our counselor, we wouldn’t feel so empty. We would not try to fill that emptiness with things that only hurt us, because we would not feel alone.

God did this so that men would seek Him and perhaps reach out for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us. For in Him we live and move and have our being.
Acts 17: 27-28

Revelation of Relationship: The Word

Every relationship is built on two way communication. It is not enough to talk to your friend. You have to listen to them in order for them to feel valued and loved. God is no different. He speaks to us in many different ways: trials, other people, circumstances, His Spirit, but one of the key ways is through His Word.

In the past, God spoke to our forefathers through the prophets at many times and in various ways, but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed heir of all things, and through whom he made the universe. The Son is the radiance of God's glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word. After he had provided purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty in heaven. Hebrews 1:1-3

Consider the following portions of Scripture, and write out what you believe them to be saying.

How important is the Bible to the overall well-being of a Christian?

Psalm 1:1-6; specific emphasis on verse 2

Psalm 119:11

Psalm 119:97-104

Does it sound odd to think of loving the law? The word law for us means something very different than it did for the writer of Psalm 119. For us it is this thing to obey so we don’t get a fine, or have to go to jail. We know it protects us, but I don’t think we would say that we love it. The law being spoken of in Psalm 119 is not the law as we see law, although that type of law was included. The Torah or the Pentateuch is the law being spoken of here. The Five Books of Moses make up the Pentateuch: Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers and Deuteronomy.

• Based on this understanding of the law, what was the psalmist saying in Psalm 119?


• What did he love?


• Why should we meditate on the Word of God?

Look up the definition of meditation in the dictionary. What is the definition? What kind of meditation do you think is being spoken of in the Psalms?

Psalm 19:14

Psalm 104:34


Philippians 4:8 tells us to think about "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy." What could be more praiseworthy or excellent than the Word of God.

The only way we will ever know the heart of our God is by seeking Him. How blessed we are that the Word became flesh and dwelt among us. Our Creator gave us the Bible to reveal Himself to all of mankind.

Blessed is he who reads and those who hear the words of the prophecy, and heed the things which are written in it. Rev. 1:3

These words are specific to the book of Revelation, but I believe that if we read the Bible, meditate on it, and then apply it to our lives we too will be blessed.

Father, relationships are hard to build and to maintain. They take time, which is a commodity that we seem to always be short on. As we seek You, give us the wisdom to know what things are taking time away from our relationship with You. Be it service to the church, work, other friendships, books, or a multitude of so many other good things. Help us to let go of the good for what is the best, so that we might know You more fully. It is in the blessed name of Jesus we pray. Amen.