Not Who You Think You Are

Have you ever realized that you are not the person that you think you are? This realization hits me occasionally. I might be thinking that I am getting better in an area of my life, just to have the Lord tell me that ten other areas have exploded all around me. I never get use to feeling the disappointment of not being who I would like to be in Christ, but I am no longer overwhelmed by it. I confess and start asking the Lord to show the truth about my heart and my sin so that we can deal with the areas that need to be dealt with. This process is a life’s work, that won’t be completed until I stand in Christ before my Father in Heaven.

This said, I am often times shocked when someone else does not think of me the way I think they think of me. I once had a friend that was struggling with this same idea. She said the realization had hit her that not everyone likes her. Now, my friend is a very likable person. She is warm, funny and fun to be with, so I can see her thinking that people like her. When she realized not everyone does, she was dealing with her concept of reality verses the reality itself.

I have never thought everyone liked me. I am a rather intense, passionate and divisive person, and all my life people have either really liked me or really disliked me. There usually is no middle ground with me. However, my concept of reality was rocked the other day when I realized that people who like me, don’t always like me the way I think that they do.

I am not an idiot. I know that even those closest to us have days where they just don’t like us. I love my kids always, but sometimes I don’t like their attitudes or behavior, and the same goes for my husband. I get that. What hit me last week though was finding out that someone I was close to and worked with for many years was bothered by me and I did not even know it.

This friend was missing a group of women, women whom we had both worked with. I discovered she liked the group more BEFORE I became a part of it. I honestly got the sense that she liked it better without me. I was surprised to say the least. I was not wounded or hurt, however. She was 100% right about the godliness of that prior group of women. I was just thrown back because I did not know that I had changed the feel of that group of women that much. She had never seemed bothered for six years.

After our time together, I had to step back from myself. I prayed and asked the Lord, “Really? She felt that way?”

I started to look at myself, and my idea of who I am, especially when I have vision or passion for something. I told my husband about my lunch, and what I had discovered. Of course, he didn’t sugar coat anything. He said, “You are a strong personality. You are forceful.”

I wanted to say, “Ya, but I am kind and I love and I can be tender hearted.”

Instead, I listened to him realizing his rightness and started to humble myself. “Well, Lord,” I said, “I thought I was working well for You, serving you, carrying out Your vision, but maybe I was working well for myself, serving myself, carrying out my vision instead of Yours.”

As I have asked the Lord to show me the truth about things and about myself, I have been hit with a question, “Heather, do you minister to others to help them and to glorify Me, or do you minister to others to make yourself feel good about yourself and what you are doing for others?”

I have asked this same question before, of myself. I have asked it of others, but this time it really hit hard. It made me realize that no matter how pure I think my motives are my “ heart is deceitful above all else.” I can’t even know it.

I recently saw a movie about a group of missionaries who asked a mercenary to take them in to a foreign country, so that they could provide physical and spiritual help to those being devastated by war. The missionaries told this man that they want to go in to bring about change and help others. He informed them that they wouldn't change anything, and he was proven right. The main missionary realized at the end of the movie that her desire to go into this country was a self-centered one. That she had to have it her way, because she thought that to be the best way. She finally understood that her biggest motivation to minister was her own need to feel important.

I am not saying everyone out there working diligently for the Lord is self-centered. What I am saying is that when we are serving our Lord, we need to sift everything, including our hearts, through His hands. He is the only one who really knows us, and if we ask Him. He will reveal our true nature to us. Once we understand who we are, why we do what we do, then He we can move forward in Christ. He will produce the fruit we too often attempt to produce ourselves, without any success. When we realize we aren’t who we think we are, that is the first step in becoming who we need to be.

Ask God to reveal to you the truth about yourself, confess and be transformed into the image of Christ.

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139:23-24

Our Father's Love

Have you ever really sat and thought about how much our Heavenly Father loves you? I have experienced His love and care for me, but not until Sunday did I have a video to play along with that knowledge.

On Sunday, one of the elders at the church we are attending preached a sermon that was challenging and moving all at the same time. It was about being an overcomer, and truly believing Phil. 4:13: I can do all things through Christ who strengths me. He concluded his message by showing a video of two men who has overcome great physical odds.

These men are known as Team Hoyt, and they participated in triathlons. If you know anything about triathlons, you can understand why this elder ended a message about being able to do all things with a video of an actual triathlon. And for those of you who have only heard of this event, well let me give you the details of what those who actually compete accomplish.

An Iron Man triathlon consists of a swim of 2.4 miles, followed immediately by biking 112 miles, and concluding with a 26.2 mile run (a full marathon).

I can’t even imagine the kind of endurance needed for one of these races. I couldn’t walk as far as they run, let alone perform all three events one after another. These athletes know the meaning of endurance, perseverance and discipline, but for Team Hoyt another and even deeper character trait has been added, LOVE.

You see, Team Hoyt consists of two individuals racing as one, Rick and Dick Hoyt. Rick Hoyt suffered severe brain damage at birth. He is unable to walk, has little to no use of his arms or hands, is unable to speak and has minimal control of his head and neck. Rick is able to communicate however. He has a computer that always him to click a mouse and spell out his thoughts and wishes. Rick found out there was going to be a race in his community to raise money for a young man who had become paralyzed. He told his dad that he wanted to run in that race.

His father, Dick Hoyt , wondered how to make that happen for his son. He decided to run in that race pushing Rick. Rick told his dad following that event, “When we were running, I felt like I was not disabled anymore.” When Dick heard that, he determined to continue running with his son, and run they did. Dick and Rick have run in 85 marathons, and completed eight triathlons together. Ricky was born in 1962, making him 44 years old, and his dad is twenty years older than he is!

As I sat and watched the video, of one of the triathlons, on Sunday morning, I cried, as did my husband. I am sure there was not a dry eye in the house that morning, as we watched a father’s absolute devotion poured out on to his son. Dick Hoyt, pulled, carried and pushed his son for 140.6 miles simply because he loved him....

Hoyt video clip link: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=4642920755415594672

I cried that morning for many reasons. I sat next to my husband, knowing as I watched that he would do the exact same thing for our children; loving him for loving us.

I also understood as I watched that I had finally seen in a visual sense the love that our Father demonstrates to us on a moment-by-moment basis. We are no different from Rick Hoyt in our inability to carry ourselves. We are all disabled by the sin that fills our bodies and overwhelms our lives. And, just as Dick Hoyt saw the freedom that running gave to his son, our Father sees the freedom His Son gives to each one of us. He did not leave us alone. No, instead He gave all of Himself to us, and does so on a daily basis through the sacrifice of Jesus.

If today you are in a circumstance that seems as if it will conquer you, know that your loving Father is not far from you. Our Father swims us through every trial that threatens to engulf us. He carries us as we ride over every bumpy road that attempts to stumble us. He pushes us as we run the race that He has set before us. So no matter the trail you face, nor sin that stumbles, nor pain that hinders, He is right there with you. Remember Dick Hoyt the next time you are in a place of pain, allowing his love to remind you of your Father’s love.

Your Father knows what you need even before you ask Him. Matt. 6:8

Secret Shame

My Secret Shame

We all have one, or in my case if I really think about it 20, that we try to hide. Every so often though, our secret weakness comes out in front of a group of people, and when that happens, we want to crawl under a rock.

Everyone has something they struggle with, don’t like about themselves. It might be a stutter, a loss of hair, an unending battle with weight, an over the top personality, a feeling of inferiority, and the list could go on and on and on. I can keep my secret shame a secret a great deal of the time, and that is one of the reasons it hurts so much when it is revealed.

Last night, mine came out in front of a group of women. I was at a ladies game night and found myself playing board games. I am not the big fan of most board games, so when my friend said that is what the ladies were going to be playing, I was a little concerned. I now realize my concerns were valid.

My team was doing wonderfully (little to no credit going to me), and we were in the final position to win the whole game. I made sure that we stayed away from one of the categories throughout the game. However, in order to win the entire game we had to play that category at least one time.

As the yellow card was pulled from its box (the color for that category), fear gripped my heart. I started praying right there and then, “Please Father, help me with this one, give me Your knowledge and mind.” As soon as I finished praying, the card was read and those hateful words that have haunted me for years were said, “Spell this word” ("spell", my kryptonite).

You see, I struggle with spelling, always have and apparently always will. When I blog, write emails or talks past 9:00 pm, well my spelling power is about 25% of what it is during the rest of the day. Being tired reveals our truest selves probably more than anything else does. Anyway, my heart started racing at the question. “Spell ecstasy backwards,” came the words from the card.

My team was amazing, and I knew as long as I could stay out of the way that they would bring home a big win, but this one was a team event. I prayed again, said I would give the first letter, and yes, just as I had feared I was wrong. I know, how easy is that word, right? Well, for me it might as well have been floccinaucinihilipilification (the longest non-technical word in the English language). My mind blurred up, I could not even see the word, so there was no way I was going to spell it backwards.

My earliest memories of spelling tests and writing difficulties did not rush in at that moment, but the feelings of inferiority certainly did. Then I remember my best friend from school, we were fighting at the time, telling everyone in my junior class that I could not spell so there was no way I was going to make it into the AP English class we were trying to get into. She was right, I didn’t make it into the class, and I carried the read letter “S” of spelling the rest of the year.

After failing to say the correct letter at game night, I wanted to crawl under a rock, or hide behind a couch, but I just kept playing. Later my friend teased me about the “y” in ecstasy, and I started to tear up. Thankfully, she realized how I felt and let it go (best friends are kinder outside of high school..different friend though).

Afterward, at home by myself, I asked the Lord why He gave me a love to write, while making me lame in one of the major areas needed to pull it off. I cried then, not just for myself but for my middle child who has the same sorts of issues I have, and who loves to think and write. In our world, writing and reading are skills necessary for every area of life. If I am weak in them, I am weak in the overall picture of things. I know, I have strived to achieve certain goals all my life and come up short, because of this weakness and many others.

A friend of mine, in the organization I worked for, for four years extended me a wonderful gift of grace one day. She said that she had seen studies that revealed spelling to be a genetic issue, not a “smarts” issue. Spelling can be learned, but some people will have a harder time with it than others. It was as if she said to me, “you are not stupid Heather.”

I had to write for this organization often, so it was an issue then, just as it is now. I praise God everyday for spell check, and I will be overjoyed one day when all word processors have total grammar check as well (they have more than they once did), because that was an area of weakness in my education.

The Lord has made me my children's teacher, and because of that I have caught my daughters reading and spelling problems early. I have focused on equipping her with tools that will not remover her struggle but will aid her in becoming a confident speller and writer, down the road.

She and I translate words differently from others. It is like the email game that was going around for a while. The one where the first and last letters in a word were in the right places, but all the letters in between were jumbled. Everyone could read the words with the first and last letter in the correct place, and the rest a mixed up mess. I don’t always see or pay attention to all the letters (I can usually get the last letter, so that is why I volunteered to go first in the game last night, but sadly the time and the fear overwhelmed even that).

Here is an example of what I am talking about:

RDIAENG.
Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh
uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny
iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset
can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae
we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe.
ceehiro.

Now, I don’t see words this badly, I just don’t notice the spelling of words as well as others.

After praying and crying to the Lord, asking Him for the reason this is such an issue for me, a conversation I had with one of my friends came a couple of days ago came to mind. We were talking about compassion and where it comes from. As I thought through that conversation along with what I had just experienced a few hours before, I realized a lot of my compassion comes from my weaknesses. Because I am not a super capable person in a lot of areas, I have a great deal of concern and care for others who are not either. The Lord has taught me through my own areas of frailty to look upon others with the same kind of care I want to receive.

When I am wrestling with my secret shame, I need to remember all things work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purposes. He has allowed me that area of discomfort to develop something in my character that needs some work. Now, I can say this, but living it out is a whole different ball game. When I want to be a writer, and I sit down and have a lot of red and green squiggle lines on my computer screen, it is not exactly easy to say thank you Lord for this weakness.

Most days, especially like the evening I had last night make me want to quit. My self-talk gets pretty nasty, with things like, “Who in the world do you think you are. You are just some little thing for that backward school and city in Colorado. Who do you even think you are to home school your kids let alone try to write? And why in the world do you set yourself up on daily basis with a blog that reveals to the entire world (if they want to read) your hug failing and inadequacy with the English language.”

But that is when I have to talk myself off the wall, get over my self-pity and talk to my Father. He loves me no matter what, and will help me, just like I will help my little girl.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect
in weakness." Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses,
so that Christ's power may rest on me. 2 Cor. 12:9

The Esther Principle

Yesterday, was the day before payday at my house. It is always somewhat tense when the last paycheck is gone and you are waiting for the next one. It was also the day I picked up the APS bill (electric bill) from the mailbox. If you live in Arizona, you know that my two-week tension was on overdrive as I opened the electric bill.

I slid my finger along the slit of the envelope, and held my breath as I pulled the bill from its walls. I closed my eyes, whispered a prayer, and as my eyes focused on the black print, I gasped at the three-digit number that was staring me in the face. The kids all heard the gasp and came running toward me. My son ran off after hearing the frightening news to make sure every light and fan was off in the house. Then we all stood there staring at the number, not knowing what number would be on the paycheck we were waiting for.

My husband was at work, so he did not get to share in the “excitement” of the moment. Usually at these times of wonderful stress, I feel the need to share my concerns with my husband, or should I say share my panic-stricken cries. But yesterday I actually listened to the Lord. I waited, and I prayed.

Now the paycheck amount was already determined, it just had to be issued, but I prayed anyway. Then I started the “figuring” game. If this amount comes in, I will be able to tithe, I can pay these bills, set this amount aside for food and gas (a lot larger amount than I had to set aside a few months ago), and that is it. I looked at the figures on my paper and shook my head. I know things come up, things that need to be taken care of, and it was going to be tight with that enormous electric bill suspended over my head.

My husband called and visited with me for a while, and the upset feelings about the APS bill came flooding in, past my throat, over my tongue, and finally through my teeth, but my lips held fast. I didn’t blurt out $418. I knew I needed to tell him sometime, but not then, not until we saw what our check looked like. Then we could come up with a game plan together. When we hung up, I blew the air I had been holding in my chest out, and went back to my coupons.

The next morning I checked our bank account, and cried. The Lord knew what our APS bill was going to be even before it was written. He knew our need and met it. I thanked Him for providing for me, and as soon as my husband was up, I thanked him for all his hard work. He just said, “It’s not me, it’s God.”

And I said, “Ya, I know. I already thanked Him, and wanted to thank you too.” Then I asked him, “Did you see the APS bill?”

He said, “Yes,” with a sigh but not anxiety or worry. Had I told him the night before he saw his paycheck, he would have been upset at work, thinking of ways to make more money, and he would not buy something he really needed for work. At that moment I saw a tangible reason as to why it is always good to wait and to pray.

That is where the Esther Principle comes in. Queen Esther needed to bring a tense issue to the King. She didn’t want to have to talk to him about it, because it had to do with his closest advisers. She was sure that he would side with this man over her, but finally realized that no matter what she had to do the right thing.

She didn’t run into the Kings chamber, crying, overcome with fear. Instead, she prayed. She took three days to fast, to deny herself, and make her body submit to her will, training herself to make her emotions submit in the same way. Following her time of fasting, Esther (endangering her life) asked the King to a banquet, along with his royal advisor. She served her King, met his needs and did not throw her problems before him.

Esther finally chose the right time to tell the King of her need and of the needs of a large group of his people. She invited him again to eat with her, and as he sat with her, he asked her if she needed anything (he had done the same things the night before and that is when she invited him to dine with her again), and at this point she handed her need to her husband. She told him of the evils his advisor was planning to carry out throughout his kingdom.

Esther no longer had to carry the burden of this wicked plan alone any longer. Her husband was there to care for her in her time of need, but was not overwhelmed by her emotions in the process. Esther took time to gain God’s perspective on her need, and was then able to pass that same perspective to her husband, to her King. The King did not side with his royal advisor. He took up the cause of his wife and saved her life as well as the life of thousands of people.
Just like Esther, we can go to our husbands with issues that are of great concern to our families, or to us. We need to remember that we should first go to our Father. He will grant us the peace we need in those times, so that we can share our need without overwhelming everyone around us. . When we present hard things to others, with God’s perspective, those things won’t dominate our lives or our relationships.

We, like Esther, need to fast and pray so that we train our bodies as well as our emotions to submit to the peace and patience of God. We need to wait and pray, “then the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus, our Lord.”

If you want to learn more about Esther and her amazing story, check out the book of Esther. It is a short read, but one that holds a powerful message of obedience as well as God’s provision for His people.

Conflict Resolution

What patters do you display when you are in conflict with someone? I have set patterns, but those patterns change over time and I have different patterns with different people.

When my husband and I were first married, I was confrontational. I
would pursue matters, argue, and try to draw him out. You see, he was a withdrawer. Over the years however, we have traded styles of dealing with strife
in our marriage. My husband moved toward direct combat and I began to avoid it,
but I never fully gave up my right to stand and fight if I needed to make a
point.

This system worked okay, I mean we are still married after 19 years, but now that our kids are older, we have both started to realize that it is not the best way to resolve issues. I have had godly woman after godly woman enter my life over the years, and each one has added to my understanding of how to be a woman who lives out her faith in the hardest of places; at home and more specifically within the confines of marriage. One of these woman, taught me a principle it has taken me 17 years to begin to grasp.

Her name was Judy Weston, and at the time, I was pretty sure if pictures were in the Bible that hers would be the one to represent Proverbs 31. She homeschooled, was a quiet and gentle spirit, loved her husband with a sure yet submissive heart, and cared about other women learning to take care of their husbands and children. Okay, maybe her picture should have been in Titus 2 as well. Anyway, she taught a group of us young married women, at our church in Sherwood, Arkansas, one key conflict resolution tactic that actually works. She taught us the “I” statement method of communication.

Judy was amazing at it. She would throw one example of the "I" form
after another out in class. We would all scratch our heads certain that we could
never attain her style of mild, reserved discussion. Now, if you are not sure
what I mean by the “I” statement form of communication, I will give you a couple
of scenarios of husband/wife conflict and show the positive of the “I” form.

Your husband continues to forget to put his underwear in the basket after he
takes a shower. You find yourself constantly picking them up and wondering
why. The dirty clothes basket is three steps away from the shower
door. You would like him to start putting them in the right place just to
keep the mess down. You are beginning to feel like his maid instead of his wife.

Negative: You are the biggest slob in the world. Have you lost all ability to pick up your own underwear? I am not your maid, so start to pick up your own dirty laundry.

Positive: I am starting to feel overwhelmed with the amount of clutter that seems to build up on a daily basis around the house. I am trying to cut down on the clutter in our bathroom lately. Do you have any ideas about a better system to help me out with this problem?

Your husband was short with you at a dinner party, and you were embarrassed. How should you address the subject?

Negative: You are such a jerk. How could you talk to me like that in front of all those people? Never talk to me that way again.

Positive: Honey, I was so hurt tonight after the way you spoke to me. I felt small and unloved. I know you would never mean to make me feel that way on purpose.

The “I” form is non-accusatorial. It conveys feelings, without attack. This method can still be quite strong, but it is far less likely to seem like an assault on the other person.It has taken many years for me to learn how to speak in positive way to my husband when I am upset. One of the best ways to make sure you are avoiding the negative form of addressing and issue is by removing yourself from a heated argument and taking time to think rather than to react.

Proverbs is filled with wonderful truths about how best to deal with conflict or tense situations. Her are just a few:

A gentle word turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
15:1

Patience is better than power; controlling one’s temper than capturing
a city. 16:32

When there are many words, sin is unavoidable, but the one who controls
his lips is wise. 10:19.

Remember, it takes time and practice to learn how to work things out in the best
way, so don’t feel discouraged when you mess up. I am no Judy Weston and I have
now been married as long as Judy was, at the time she was teaching all of us. I
have learned the “I” form, but sadly, fail to use it a great deal of the time. I
can, thankfully, see the change the Lord and the teaching of godly women has
made in my life conflict patterns. I have moved from being confrontational to
avoiding conflict to finally learning to resolve issues in a much more godly
manner.

Build Church

Pastors are called to many things, but are they ever called to build a church?

In John 21, Jesus fully reconciles Peter to Himself. Jesus forgives him for denying His name three times. He restores Peter with a question, and then asks that question three times. After each answer, Peter is given a very important responsibility.

· Simon, son of John, do you love Me more than these?
Yes, Lord, You know that I love You.
Feed My lambs.

· Simon, son of John, do you love Me?
Yes, Lord, You know that I love You.
Shepherd My sheep.

· Simon, son of John, do you love Me?
You know everything! You know that I love You.
Feed My sheep.

Jesus calls Peter to shepherd the church, His sheep. He was to care for those who belonged to Jesus. He was to feed and shepherd or tend those who loved Jesus.

Peter was to love the church, just as Jesus loved her. Peter had Jesus’ example to follow, “I am the Good Shepherd. The Good Shepherd lays down His life for the sheep…I am the Good Shepherd. I know My own sheep and they know me, just as I know the Father and the Father knows Me. I lay down My life for the sheep” (John 10:11, 14-15).

After Jesus commanded Peter to care for the sheep, He told him, “I assure you: When you were young you would tie your belt and walk wherever you wanted. But when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands and someone else will tie you and carry you where you do not want to go” (John 21:18). Peter would be martyred for his faith, but not until after he feed the church on Pentecost.

On the day of Pentecost, 3,000 people came to faith. Did Peter build the church that day by preaching an amazing sermon that won the hearts and minds of the people around him? Were all those who were in Jerusalem that day awed by his style, his imagery or his ability to entertain them with his gifted speaking ability? No, he simply was obedient. He fed the sheep by speaking the Words that God put into His heart and mouth.

On that day, Jesus built His church. The Holy Spirit moved in and through Peter that day. The Spirit of God moved the people who became believers in Jesus. Their hearts and minds were changed but not because they were convinced of anything by human strength nor their own strength. They were transformed because God transformed them.

In Matthew 16, Jesus says, “Upon this rock, I will build MY church, and the gates of Hades will not stand against it” (Matt. 16:18). The rock He spoke of was what Peter proclaimed before Jesus said this. When Jesus asked the disciples who they believed He was, Peter answered, “You are the Christ, the Son of the Living God.” Jesus built His church upon Himself. He was and is the Christ, the Son of God, and the gates of hell cannot stand against Him, nor will they stand against His church.

Peter was not called to build the church. He was told to feed and tend for the sheep. The building was left up to Jesus, He sent the very Spirit of God into the world to draw men to Him, and through Him, He built and continues to build His church.

No pastor, no matter how eloquent nor persuasive, can build the true church of God. They might be able to build a multimillion-dollar campus or a mega-member congregation, but they can NEVER build the church. Only Jesus Himself can do that. If they try to build a church, they fail their call, because they can’t build what is not their's to build and if they try, they stop tending their sheep.

Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Psalm 127:1

Reveal

Willow Creek Community Church in Illinois has done research concerning the depth of growth they are producing in the lives of their congregation. They have found that they are missing the mark in a lot of areas and released a book called Reveal sharing their findings. They have a website dedicated to revealing their information and discuss what they are discovering.

Associate Pastor Greg Hawkins shares the reason behind the research and how shocked all of Willow Creeks leaders were at with the finding. The website is http://www.revealnow.com/, and I encourage any of you who are interested in or dealing with the seeker church mentality to check it out. Watch the longer version of Greg Hawkins video if possible. It clearly shows that the model or way we have been doing church for the past several years is a faulty one and needs to be addressed.

When I watched the video by Hawkins, the research or their findings were not new or earth shattering at all. Over the past five years I have been wrestling with all of the things he mentioned, and along with my closest friends have discussed why seeker church does not work for the church at large.

Hawkins argues that there are five groups within most churches; Explorers (new word church builders are using for seekers or the unchurched or the nice old fashion word lost), growing Christians (those new to the faith), close (those who have a walk with God and think about Him often), centered (believers who have their center in Christ..He is their thoughts) and finally stagnant (people who are/were close who are not growing but still involved in all the programs and service in the church).

The people most satisfied with the Willow Creek model of church are the explorers and the growing, those most dissatisfied are the other three groups. The stagnant are working for closeness with God, but can’t find in through service, the close and centered believers are the ones leaving the church.

The goal of Willow Creek is to help people move from knowing about God to a relationship with Him, and from there into fully developed disciples (fulfilling the Great Commission). Willow Creek thought the way to build disciples was to plug those new believers/followers into worship services, small groups, classes, service opportunities and other church related activities. What they have found is that just plugging people into these activities does not produce mature believers. They are beginning to realize that the number of people in your congregation is less important than the depth of relationship people have with Jesus. No matter how many programs are offered, true discipleship is found by living life with God not in activities.

Greg Hawkins implies that the reason that those people who are close or centered on God are dissatisfied with church is because they have not been taught to feed themselves, but I don’t believe someone can truly be Christ centered without being able to feed themselves. Those who are close to God are not disappointed with the church because they don’t know how to meet their own needs, but rather because they are told constantly that church is not about them. It is instead about winning souls to Christ. So for a time, they accept that they are selfish. They serve, give, and feed themselves, but along the way church leadership seems to be looking down their nose at them. Sermons and teaching are made milky to reach people, but what those who are more mature are seeing is that when people are reached, they aren’t ever fed much more than milk, maybe some cereal, and on that those new converts will have a hard time growing in their relationship with God.

The centered become disillusioned because they are devalued and made to feel guilty for asking questions about teaching, study and deeper things. They start to give up after they have poured themselves out. They realize that they can feed themselves and their families, so maybe in the end they pull out because the church has become so “relevant” to the world that it is no longer relevant to them.

What happens in a church when the babies outnumber the older and more mature? A question Willow Creek and many more churches that have followed their model are asking. They are the church most evangelical churches in the United States are following. Their failings are the failings of a great number of churches and those failings need to be addressed and altered to ensure that we aren’t forever producing believers who are not disciples.

Good Gift

I laid aside a cute t-shirt and pair of shorts for my little girl. We were planning a wonderful day with friends, to celebrate her birthday, and I knew that she would want to look her best. I didn’t tell her about the outfit because I wanted it to be a surprise. I desired to take care of her without her having to ask. I did this out of love.

I was not able to keep the secret long though. My strong willed, let’s make everything perfect little girl asked me if she could wear a dress for our special day. My heart sank. I thought to say yes, but knew I had something new for her, something she would like (at least I hoped she would like), so I decided to say no to the dress.

She did not think this was the best answer, so she flopped on her bed in her most upset way, and started to cry. I was hurt, not wanting to spoil the surprise, but wanting her to understand I had something better for her. I told her to stop crying, and then in the hopes of encouraging her heart, I let her know I had something new for her. Sadly, this did not please her either. She covered her ears, cried a hurt cry rather than her angry rant from earlier and said, “Mom, I don’t want you to tell me.”

I shook my head thinking, what in the world am I going to do with you. I then explained to her that her demand to get her own way ruined her present. She lost the joy of waking up to a new outfit because she couldn’t accept my “No”. She quieted, accepting my words and settled down into her bed.

She will have new clothes in the morning, but will miss out on the moment of new revelation. The one that can only come when what you are experiencing is unexpected.

Her demand was no different from our own. We work to make everything just what we think it should be, only to miss out on the amazing thing that could have won our hearts had we trusted the outcome to our Heavenly Father. His ways are so much better than ours are. He has surprises all around us, to bring us joy and excitement, but we end up ruining their beauty because we can’t wait and throw a fit to make sure we have our expectations met. Our Father then presents us with His better way, and we feel sad because we wish He would have waited. We would rather have had Him give it to us in His time. We end up hurting His loving heart as well as our own selfish one because we couldn’t believe that anyone could or would take care of our needs better than we ourselves could.

Our Father doesn’t always show us our present right away। He wants to build expectation within us, so that He can surprise us with just the right thing at just the right moment. He desires to take care of us without us even having to ask. He does this because He loves us.

Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! Matt। 7:9-11

The next time you get a “No” to one of your requests, try to avoid throwing yourself on the bed and pouting. Decide to trust that your Father loves you and has just the right outfit picked out for just the right moment. If you don’t you might miss out on the joy that goes with the gift He laid out just for you.