Competition

I am preparing for SheSpeaks, a speaker/writer conference in North Carolina, June 19-21. I am putting a book proposal together for this event in order to present it to two different publishing houses. I am also working on two talks that will be evaluated by Proverbs 31 Ministry, the team hosting the event. Needless to say I am a little overwhelmed by the task at hand, as well as the knowledge that there are going to be 400-500 other women at this conference working hard to do the exact same things.

This conference is where the last post on jealousy really originated.

I have been struggling with my own inadequacy to write or to speak at the level I believe I need to in order to stand out in this large crowd. I can speak, I can write, but my pond has been small, which means I have not had a lot of “competition”.

It is when that word “competition” came into my thinking and vocabulary concerning the other women who will be at this event that I knew I was off track.

I realized that my focus was wrong, that I was thinking out of the "divide and conquer" mentality instead of Christ mindedness. I was unable to read the books, blogs and devotionals of godly women. I felt less than, ill equipped and like a wanna be that will never be.

The Lord revealed my heart to me one day. I realized I wanted to be the best, and if I could not have that I would have nothing at all. I was ready to give up because I didn't think I was going to get the praise, the applause, nor the spotlight I desired. I was becoming jealous of those who had already achieved my goal.

That is when the still small voice hit me hard. My book title is Jesus More Than Enough, but how can Jesus be more than enough if I am striving to be more than enough? I wrote the retreat series Jesus More Than Enough for one reason and one reason alone. To lift up the name of my Lord and Savior, to cause women to understand that Jesus is the ONLY one who can meet their every need. So, as I was “competing” with these other women, whom I don't even know, I realized I was lifting myself up. I started to believe that it was my words that women really needed.


When I looked into the mirror of my own heart two, big, green eyes were reflecting back at me. I was envious. I asked the Lord to forgive my jealousy, my self-focus, and to replace it with a Christ focus.

I was reminded that He is the one who calls, and if He wants to send 500 women out from SheSpeaks to share His Word or just 5 that is up to Him. I don’t need to compete with these other ladies, who love Him just as much as I do. No, what I need to do is to be faithful to write and speak the words He has placed in my heart, to lift of Jesus, and leave the rest up Him.

For in Him we live, and move and have our being! Acts 17:28