God healed a relationship that was pretty much at death's door, one that was/is extremely important to my life. Part of my struggle in that friendship was my expectations and the fact that those expectations were not being met. It was not that she was not a good friend to me, she has been one of the best friends of my life, but for two years she wasn't living up to what I wanted from her. The walls grew and the hurt multiplied on both sides, and any time I saw her, the wound throbbed. Finally we talked about all of it and the walls came down, yet we were both different.
This trial taught me that one friend does not have to meet every need in my life. God has given me many amazing friendships, many that I value more than I can say, so all of my “girlfriend” needs don’t have to be fulfilled by one person. It is much healthier that way.
I realized that every time I meet with one friend we talk about God and what He is doing in our lives. With another friend I find the real of life as we share about our families, our trials, and our successes. With another I talk about the struggles of homeschooling as well as the joys. I talk lots of politics with another and so on. The greatest aspect of each of these relationships is our deep faith, but that commonality manifests itself in very different ways with each. Once I stopped demanding (not audibly and not always realizing it) that my friend fill every role in my heart I was able to release her to be who she is in my life, to be my friend.
It is when we replace the one who is our true "best friend" with one of our friends that we run into problems. We do this with our husbands at times, setting them up on the throne of our hearts, and even with our children. Any time we replace Christ with another person or thing, we end up dissatisfied, hurt, alone, angry, and empty. The only one who can meet our deepest needs is our Savior and Lord, but He isn't going to meet our expectations either. He will surpass them, beyond all that we can hope or imagine.
Friday, April 2, 2010
Grow up!
"Grow up!". The Lord actually told me to grow up. To get over myself, past my petty issues and "problems" and to choose to be an adult.
Honestly, it is about time! So at 40 years old, I am choosing to grow up, choosing to be mature, choosing to be an adult.
I have waited for 40 years to FEEL like a grown up. To FEEL like I am making adult decisions, to FEEL wise, to FEEL mature. So it was not until my Father quietly but firmly told me to grow up that I realized maturity is not something you gain with years, but instead maturity like love is a decision, a state of mind, a choice. A choice I will have to make on a daily basis, just like the choice I make every day to get out of bed, to school my kids, to love my husband.
As I heard the Father say "Grow up," in a situation I can't here share, I also heard Him say, "Who are you living for? Yourself, that is what children do.".
It hit me then that someone who is mature lives for Christ and as Christ, denying themselves in favor of doing that which is hard even when they don't want to.
So, at 40, I am choosing to be a grown up; choosing to be an adult, choosing to be mature, even when I don't FEEL grown up.
Honestly, it is about time! So at 40 years old, I am choosing to grow up, choosing to be mature, choosing to be an adult.
I have waited for 40 years to FEEL like a grown up. To FEEL like I am making adult decisions, to FEEL wise, to FEEL mature. So it was not until my Father quietly but firmly told me to grow up that I realized maturity is not something you gain with years, but instead maturity like love is a decision, a state of mind, a choice. A choice I will have to make on a daily basis, just like the choice I make every day to get out of bed, to school my kids, to love my husband.
As I heard the Father say "Grow up," in a situation I can't here share, I also heard Him say, "Who are you living for? Yourself, that is what children do.".
It hit me then that someone who is mature lives for Christ and as Christ, denying themselves in favor of doing that which is hard even when they don't want to.
So, at 40, I am choosing to be a grown up; choosing to be an adult, choosing to be mature, even when I don't FEEL grown up.
Freedom not to Compete
If we are always in competition with everyone else around us, we are unable to see their value, unable to appreciate who they are and what they could mean to our lives. If we are so busy trying to prove who we are instead of understanding who we aren't, we are then unteachable and unable to learn from anyone else.
If we instead begin to see others not as a threat, but a possible friend, a potential mentor or more practically a person to simply respect, we would be able to gain so much from those around us and we could actually share who we are much more freely, blessing others instead of walling off from them because somehow we fell like we just don't match up.
In the body, there are many members and all have an important part to play. The hand does not need to try to be a foot, nor does the eye need to an ear. Each member has its own great value, its own place of invaluable service. So too, each of us in the lives God has given us do not need to try to be anything other than what we are.
In that we find freedom not simply to be ourselves, but also to allow all those around us to be themselves as well. Knowing that if we have an area of need, one we struggle to fill, there is someone else out there who can help us grow in that area, even teach us how better to handle our weakness. We don't have to compete with them, but instead we can allow them to come along side us, without us having to feel less than because we are not them.
If we instead begin to see others not as a threat, but a possible friend, a potential mentor or more practically a person to simply respect, we would be able to gain so much from those around us and we could actually share who we are much more freely, blessing others instead of walling off from them because somehow we fell like we just don't match up.
In the body, there are many members and all have an important part to play. The hand does not need to try to be a foot, nor does the eye need to an ear. Each member has its own great value, its own place of invaluable service. So too, each of us in the lives God has given us do not need to try to be anything other than what we are.
In that we find freedom not simply to be ourselves, but also to allow all those around us to be themselves as well. Knowing that if we have an area of need, one we struggle to fill, there is someone else out there who can help us grow in that area, even teach us how better to handle our weakness. We don't have to compete with them, but instead we can allow them to come along side us, without us having to feel less than because we are not them.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Defective
"I hate that I can still be so easily shaken, and somehow I convince myself that if I could just develop a healthy enough psyche, life couldn't touch me" (So Long Insecurity, pg 51)
How did Beth Moore get into my head? Is it plagiarism if you never wrote it down? Seriously, I think we "mature" Christians get down on ourselves for getting down. Instead of realizing that we are human, and running to our Father when we are hurting. We try to buck up, make it all better ourselves and end up feeling defective.
"I am broken and no amount of superglue or duct tape is going to keep me together, keep me from splitting apart."
Sad, but that is how most of us walk around, wounded, alone and about to split apart trying to hold ourselves together with duct tape and glue.
But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved...For the Lord will be your confidence and will keep your feet from being snared...So do not throw away your confidence, it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God you will receive what He has promised.
How did Beth Moore get into my head? Is it plagiarism if you never wrote it down? Seriously, I think we "mature" Christians get down on ourselves for getting down. Instead of realizing that we are human, and running to our Father when we are hurting. We try to buck up, make it all better ourselves and end up feeling defective.
"I am broken and no amount of superglue or duct tape is going to keep me together, keep me from splitting apart."
Sad, but that is how most of us walk around, wounded, alone and about to split apart trying to hold ourselves together with duct tape and glue.
But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved...For the Lord will be your confidence and will keep your feet from being snared...So do not throw away your confidence, it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God you will receive what He has promised.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Suburbia
Keep it clean, keep it neat, keep it nice, keep it safe, keep it whatever you have to as long as you don’t keep it real.
I think that would about sum up the lives of many out here in Suburbia. We are clean, we are neat, we are safe, we are kind, but we don’t have any idea what is real.
We live in our nice little subdivisions, driving our mini-vans to swim practice, Bashas’, and youth group, and talking to all our friends on Facebook, who are just like us, but never getting to the real.
Our heroes have to be clean, have to be neat, have to be nice, have to be safe, but not real. If they swear, they aren’t clean, if their life is in disarray, they’re not neat, if they struggle to love their enemies all the time, they’re not nice, if they run toward gunfire because they not only want to save lives but because they get a rush from it too, they aren’t safe. They wall off though, knowing we won’t love them if they show the real.
We say we want to love, we want to care, we want to comfort the hurting, and love the unlovable, but we don’t know what that means, we don’t know what that looks like, we don’t know what’s real.
One day a woman name Haggard woke up to the real. She was hit in the face with the real, once living the life of Suburbia, she thought life didn’t get any better than this, and fell to her knees when her hero wasn’t clean, wasn’t neat, wasn’t nice, wasn’t safe, and was finally real.
Be careful, the walls will crash down; the clean will become dirty, the neat washed away by the messy, the nice replaced by the ugly, the safe gone forever because the real was revealed. That is when truth is seen, and the facade can fall away, and Suburbia can die. It’s in the real we meet Jesus, and that is where He wants us to stay, not in some white washed world of our imagination, of our creation, but with Him, living in the lives of others, not because we are cleaner, or neater, or nicer, or safer, but because we are real.
I think that would about sum up the lives of many out here in Suburbia. We are clean, we are neat, we are safe, we are kind, but we don’t have any idea what is real.
We live in our nice little subdivisions, driving our mini-vans to swim practice, Bashas’, and youth group, and talking to all our friends on Facebook, who are just like us, but never getting to the real.
Our heroes have to be clean, have to be neat, have to be nice, have to be safe, but not real. If they swear, they aren’t clean, if their life is in disarray, they’re not neat, if they struggle to love their enemies all the time, they’re not nice, if they run toward gunfire because they not only want to save lives but because they get a rush from it too, they aren’t safe. They wall off though, knowing we won’t love them if they show the real.
We say we want to love, we want to care, we want to comfort the hurting, and love the unlovable, but we don’t know what that means, we don’t know what that looks like, we don’t know what’s real.
One day a woman name Haggard woke up to the real. She was hit in the face with the real, once living the life of Suburbia, she thought life didn’t get any better than this, and fell to her knees when her hero wasn’t clean, wasn’t neat, wasn’t nice, wasn’t safe, and was finally real.
Be careful, the walls will crash down; the clean will become dirty, the neat washed away by the messy, the nice replaced by the ugly, the safe gone forever because the real was revealed. That is when truth is seen, and the facade can fall away, and Suburbia can die. It’s in the real we meet Jesus, and that is where He wants us to stay, not in some white washed world of our imagination, of our creation, but with Him, living in the lives of others, not because we are cleaner, or neater, or nicer, or safer, but because we are real.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
As Far As The East Is From The West
Sometimes I get stuck in the past. I love history, I have a degree in it, so it makes sense that I would enjoy the past, but looking back, holding on to what was doesn’t exactly work well in life. It’s almost like playing the same movie over and over again (which I do with my favorite movies) and never seeing anything new.
If I am real I have to admit that I don’t like change very much. It’s not comfortable, it’s not familiar, it isn’t “safe” and just when I get use to the change, it changes again. So I have to start the process of adjustment all over again, and sometimes I just choose not to play along. I fight the reality, keeping both fists firmly wrapped around the past. Of course I always lose that battle, because I can’t hold on to something that is no longer there.
Relationships are one of those areas for me. They are alive, and ever changing. New people come in and out of all of our lives all of the time. We never know how they might impact us, or what they will one day mean to us. We have new interests grow in our hearts as do those we love, so we have to adjust to changes in ourselves and in others. We have to be willing to change with those we love, so that we can continue to have a relationship with them, and we hope they do the same for us.
This looking backward can really hurt friendships. Too often we want to hold onto what things were once like, look to the past and reject the alterations that are a part of any healthy relationship. This backward gaze also means wounds are remembered. A good memory might be a strength when recalling names, dates and places from history, but it is not an asset when it comes to forgiving and forgetting.
I am a forgiving person, giving second, third, forth, fifth chances, but in order to protect myself I begin to map out the injuries that have been inflicted on me by those I care about. I notice the patterns played out by the person hurting me. I start to defend myself against the pain, and in the process lose my ability to forgive. If I cannot give someone a blank slate, then I have not forgiven them. I am always watching, always protecting, always noticing certain actions, and planning a defense.
There have been times when I have really believe in my heart that I have forgiven a person, only to discover from a bitter comment or a stray thought that I have not. And from experience, I don’t believe I am the only one who struggles in this area.
As humans, our inability to truly forgive makes long term relationships difficult to maintain. All of us hurt each other all of the time. We have sin natures that rear their ugly heads at times and dictate our actions. When that happens we sin against those we love. If they are unable to let go of the hurt we have caused them, the relationship will not move forward in a healthy manner. As years pass with unhealed wounds, defenses go up higher and higher.
As I considered the way we remember, the way I remember, and the pain reliving actions others have taken against causes us, I thought of Psalm 103:12,
...as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.
When I looked up that Psalm and I read: The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love, He will not always accuse nor will He harbor his anger forever, He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth so great is His love for those who fear Him: as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us. As a father has compassion on his children so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him.
As I read those words, I was struck by something. God will not always accuse us. He won’t, once we have surrendered our lives to Christ and accepted His payment for our sins, accuse us for those sins EVER AGAIN. They are gone, He wont’ remember them, He won’t protect Himself and guard His heart against us. He forgives us and removes our sin.
Yet there is one who accuses, and roams the earth to dig up “dirt” on all of us. He attempts to sully our names, going before God like he did when he attempted to accuse Job of being less than he was. Satan is always dragging up our pasts. He is the one who uses those sins against us, and if we let him he can use those sins to make us doubt our worth before God. But that is the reason our God put Psalm 103 in the Bible, as well as the book of Job. The accuser of the believers can accuse us all he wants, but it’s never going to stick because Jesus already paid for our lives and nothing we have done, nor will ever do will separate us from the love of God.
You might be wondering how this relates to my love of history and my inability to adapt to change, well I realized that if I am unable to let go of the past, I am unable to forgive, and if I can’t forgive, I can’t love others with a heart of abandon. If I am always protecting myself, walling off to protect my heart, well I won’t let anyone in and I surely won’t go out to them. By not letting go, I am playing the role of accuser, even if I am not accusing anyone openly, I am accusing them in the conversations I have in my head and those conversations separate me from others. I realized when I don’t forgive, that I am aligning myself with the accuser.
But, if I live like my Father, I accept people at face value. I forgive them, and remove their transgressions toward me as far as the east is from the west, never throwing those hurts at them again, either literally or in the deep recesses of my mind. I set them free from their
sin, and in the process set myself free.
Jesus came to set the captives free. He didn’t just mean those bound by sin, He also came to set those free who have been hurt by sin.
Is there a person, maybe a spouse, a parent, a child, a sibling, a friend, a co-worker that you need to really forgive for a sin (maybe years of sin) they committed against you, and not just forgive, but forget. Forget, and let the wall you have built around your heart as a defense against further pain fall, in order for you to move out of the past and into a new life, a healthy life with the ability to grow deeper, closer relationship with those you love, as well as with those you haven’t yet met.
Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits – who forgives all your sin and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s. Ps. 103:2-5
If I am real I have to admit that I don’t like change very much. It’s not comfortable, it’s not familiar, it isn’t “safe” and just when I get use to the change, it changes again. So I have to start the process of adjustment all over again, and sometimes I just choose not to play along. I fight the reality, keeping both fists firmly wrapped around the past. Of course I always lose that battle, because I can’t hold on to something that is no longer there.
Relationships are one of those areas for me. They are alive, and ever changing. New people come in and out of all of our lives all of the time. We never know how they might impact us, or what they will one day mean to us. We have new interests grow in our hearts as do those we love, so we have to adjust to changes in ourselves and in others. We have to be willing to change with those we love, so that we can continue to have a relationship with them, and we hope they do the same for us.
This looking backward can really hurt friendships. Too often we want to hold onto what things were once like, look to the past and reject the alterations that are a part of any healthy relationship. This backward gaze also means wounds are remembered. A good memory might be a strength when recalling names, dates and places from history, but it is not an asset when it comes to forgiving and forgetting.
I am a forgiving person, giving second, third, forth, fifth chances, but in order to protect myself I begin to map out the injuries that have been inflicted on me by those I care about. I notice the patterns played out by the person hurting me. I start to defend myself against the pain, and in the process lose my ability to forgive. If I cannot give someone a blank slate, then I have not forgiven them. I am always watching, always protecting, always noticing certain actions, and planning a defense.
There have been times when I have really believe in my heart that I have forgiven a person, only to discover from a bitter comment or a stray thought that I have not. And from experience, I don’t believe I am the only one who struggles in this area.
As humans, our inability to truly forgive makes long term relationships difficult to maintain. All of us hurt each other all of the time. We have sin natures that rear their ugly heads at times and dictate our actions. When that happens we sin against those we love. If they are unable to let go of the hurt we have caused them, the relationship will not move forward in a healthy manner. As years pass with unhealed wounds, defenses go up higher and higher.
As I considered the way we remember, the way I remember, and the pain reliving actions others have taken against causes us, I thought of Psalm 103:12,
...as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.
When I looked up that Psalm and I read: The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love, He will not always accuse nor will He harbor his anger forever, He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth so great is His love for those who fear Him: as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us. As a father has compassion on his children so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him.
As I read those words, I was struck by something. God will not always accuse us. He won’t, once we have surrendered our lives to Christ and accepted His payment for our sins, accuse us for those sins EVER AGAIN. They are gone, He wont’ remember them, He won’t protect Himself and guard His heart against us. He forgives us and removes our sin.
Yet there is one who accuses, and roams the earth to dig up “dirt” on all of us. He attempts to sully our names, going before God like he did when he attempted to accuse Job of being less than he was. Satan is always dragging up our pasts. He is the one who uses those sins against us, and if we let him he can use those sins to make us doubt our worth before God. But that is the reason our God put Psalm 103 in the Bible, as well as the book of Job. The accuser of the believers can accuse us all he wants, but it’s never going to stick because Jesus already paid for our lives and nothing we have done, nor will ever do will separate us from the love of God.
You might be wondering how this relates to my love of history and my inability to adapt to change, well I realized that if I am unable to let go of the past, I am unable to forgive, and if I can’t forgive, I can’t love others with a heart of abandon. If I am always protecting myself, walling off to protect my heart, well I won’t let anyone in and I surely won’t go out to them. By not letting go, I am playing the role of accuser, even if I am not accusing anyone openly, I am accusing them in the conversations I have in my head and those conversations separate me from others. I realized when I don’t forgive, that I am aligning myself with the accuser.
But, if I live like my Father, I accept people at face value. I forgive them, and remove their transgressions toward me as far as the east is from the west, never throwing those hurts at them again, either literally or in the deep recesses of my mind. I set them free from their
sin, and in the process set myself free.Jesus came to set the captives free. He didn’t just mean those bound by sin, He also came to set those free who have been hurt by sin.
Is there a person, maybe a spouse, a parent, a child, a sibling, a friend, a co-worker that you need to really forgive for a sin (maybe years of sin) they committed against you, and not just forgive, but forget. Forget, and let the wall you have built around your heart as a defense against further pain fall, in order for you to move out of the past and into a new life, a healthy life with the ability to grow deeper, closer relationship with those you love, as well as with those you haven’t yet met.
Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits – who forgives all your sin and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s. Ps. 103:2-5
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Confident Humility
As my pastor preached a few weeks ago, his words resonated with the experience I had had the day before. You see, I took a chance at something, I never take chances, and through my story you will see that I don’t actually believe in chance. I entered a contest and attempted to win a new car.
I was standing in the parking lot of a car dealership in Phoenix for three hours. I was by myself, well not quite true because one of our family’s really good friends was in the cow suit, but I didn’t really hang with him much because he was kind of busy. Okay, I digress. I was standing there for many hours waiting for “chance” to play out. I was one of 105 people called to come to the event in which each person would have an opportunity to try and start a new Kia Sorento.
Out of those 105 people, only 66 showed up and put their name in the hat to win the car. There were 66 keys placed into a large jar. Each contestant was given a raffle ticket when they arrived. Half way through the event, the raffle ticket numbers were called, determining the order in which we would choose our key. As each raffle number was called, I continued to wait. The first twenty were chosen, and I prayed, “Lord, that is okay there are a lot of keys and I don’t think being one of the first twenty is necessarily a good thing.”
But when the numbers reached forty and I still didn’t have a place in line, well I was a bit more discouraged. I looked around, knowing that my God leaves nothing to chance, that if He wanted to give me that new car He would no matter my number in line. He is the God who even controls the outcome of a dice roll, right, so He was in the drawing of the raffle numbers too. I was becoming discouraged because I was pretty sure He was saying “No” to the new car.
I looked around knowing everyone had at least whispered a prayer to win the car, and I began to consider those around me who probably needed the car more than I did. Some people had several kids, others were young, just staring out, and one guy was in the military, just back from basic training. All in more need than I was, but that is when the knowledge of God’s love for us, for me, really hit my heart.
At that moment, when I was comparing myself and my value or worthiness to all those around me, I was filled with utter peace and a quiet joy. I was so thankful that salvation isn’t a contest. It is a free gift and there isn’t just one shot to win it either. Every single one of us is at the same level of “need”. The amount of money we have does not lessen our need for Jesus, actually according to Jesus, it might increase our need. But God doesn’t look down from heaven and say, “Okay, that one is worthy, and that one isn’t. That one really needs Me, but that one doesn’t.” He doesn’t roll the dice and say, “You’re in, and you’re out.”
Instead, He says, “I love the WORLD.” He loves every single one of us, and wishes for NONE to perish. Isn’t that amazing?!? I don’t even think we can comprehend His ability to see us for who we are, who He made us to be without comparing us to anyone else. We might have a little bit of that kind of love toward our kids, but in our humanness, we still look around at others and contrast our kid’s strengths and weaknesses with others. But our Father doesn’t put us into categories or groupings like that. He loves us…neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, neither male nor female, but all are one in Christ.
So, when Lloyd preached that God does not just love us, that He likes us, I thought back to the day before and knew that was totally true. He likes us so much He wants a relationship with us no matter who we are. It doesn’t matter what we wear, what we drive, where we live, what we look like, how we speak, or even the sinfulness of our hearts. He wants to KNOW us! He wants to spend time with us. He likes us.
It is very possible that most of the people at the event last Saturday were Christians, because it was a KLOVE and Chick-Fil-A sponsored event, so it wasn’t like anyone had a leg up on anyone else, an in with the “Big Guy”. We were all there because He had chosen us to be, and when I was chosen 61st in a group of 66, I knew if He wanted to, He could give me the right key to start the car. He delighted in all of us that day, and probably heard from a lot of us, more than He has in a while. So, when I wasn’t chosen, and found out number 31 was the number of the day, I was okay with that, because I found out, through the three hours of time that at first felt wasted, a new aspect in my relationship with my Father.
Why was number 31 chosen that day? I don’t know. I don’t know if her need was greater, if she needed a miracle in her life to strengthen her faith, or if she simply needed a new car, but what I do know is that my Father doesn’t love me any less because He didn’t give me the car.
I can live my life with a confident knowledge that I am loved, and if any gift is worth all others, it is the gift of love. Because I am loved, I can freely love others. We can walk through our lives with confident humility, loving as well as liking others because our Jesus first loved us.
I was standing in the parking lot of a car dealership in Phoenix for three hours. I was by myself, well not quite true because one of our family’s really good friends was in the cow suit, but I didn’t really hang with him much because he was kind of busy. Okay, I digress. I was standing there for many hours waiting for “chance” to play out. I was one of 105 people called to come to the event in which each person would have an opportunity to try and start a new Kia Sorento.
Out of those 105 people, only 66 showed up and put their name in the hat to win the car. There were 66 keys placed into a large jar. Each contestant was given a raffle ticket when they arrived. Half way through the event, the raffle ticket numbers were called, determining the order in which we would choose our key. As each raffle number was called, I continued to wait. The first twenty were chosen, and I prayed, “Lord, that is okay there are a lot of keys and I don’t think being one of the first twenty is necessarily a good thing.”
But when the numbers reached forty and I still didn’t have a place in line, well I was a bit more discouraged. I looked around, knowing that my God leaves nothing to chance, that if He wanted to give me that new car He would no matter my number in line. He is the God who even controls the outcome of a dice roll, right, so He was in the drawing of the raffle numbers too. I was becoming discouraged because I was pretty sure He was saying “No” to the new car.
I looked around knowing everyone had at least whispered a prayer to win the car, and I began to consider those around me who probably needed the car more than I did. Some people had several kids, others were young, just staring out, and one guy was in the military, just back from basic training. All in more need than I was, but that is when the knowledge of God’s love for us, for me, really hit my heart.
At that moment, when I was comparing myself and my value or worthiness to all those around me, I was filled with utter peace and a quiet joy. I was so thankful that salvation isn’t a contest. It is a free gift and there isn’t just one shot to win it either. Every single one of us is at the same level of “need”. The amount of money we have does not lessen our need for Jesus, actually according to Jesus, it might increase our need. But God doesn’t look down from heaven and say, “Okay, that one is worthy, and that one isn’t. That one really needs Me, but that one doesn’t.” He doesn’t roll the dice and say, “You’re in, and you’re out.”
Instead, He says, “I love the WORLD.” He loves every single one of us, and wishes for NONE to perish. Isn’t that amazing?!? I don’t even think we can comprehend His ability to see us for who we are, who He made us to be without comparing us to anyone else. We might have a little bit of that kind of love toward our kids, but in our humanness, we still look around at others and contrast our kid’s strengths and weaknesses with others. But our Father doesn’t put us into categories or groupings like that. He loves us…neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, neither male nor female, but all are one in Christ.
So, when Lloyd preached that God does not just love us, that He likes us, I thought back to the day before and knew that was totally true. He likes us so much He wants a relationship with us no matter who we are. It doesn’t matter what we wear, what we drive, where we live, what we look like, how we speak, or even the sinfulness of our hearts. He wants to KNOW us! He wants to spend time with us. He likes us.
It is very possible that most of the people at the event last Saturday were Christians, because it was a KLOVE and Chick-Fil-A sponsored event, so it wasn’t like anyone had a leg up on anyone else, an in with the “Big Guy”. We were all there because He had chosen us to be, and when I was chosen 61st in a group of 66, I knew if He wanted to, He could give me the right key to start the car. He delighted in all of us that day, and probably heard from a lot of us, more than He has in a while. So, when I wasn’t chosen, and found out number 31 was the number of the day, I was okay with that, because I found out, through the three hours of time that at first felt wasted, a new aspect in my relationship with my Father.
Why was number 31 chosen that day? I don’t know. I don’t know if her need was greater, if she needed a miracle in her life to strengthen her faith, or if she simply needed a new car, but what I do know is that my Father doesn’t love me any less because He didn’t give me the car.
I can live my life with a confident knowledge that I am loved, and if any gift is worth all others, it is the gift of love. Because I am loved, I can freely love others. We can walk through our lives with confident humility, loving as well as liking others because our Jesus first loved us.
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